So far this journey has been even better than we had imagined.
I won’t lie, it hasn’t all the blissful picture of family togetherness. The kids have, at times, driven me to complete distraction and I have used my crazy satanic mom voice more often than I probably ever have before. Of course, it’s been a long time since I spent 24/7 with the kids and as anyone who is a parent, or has a parent, or knows a parent is aware, it is not easy to be with your kids all day every day. The kids have a way of ramping up their volume in the car to the point where I almost lose my mind, they are like baby birds pressuring us for food all day long, and if I hear one more thing about iPad batteries or missing chargers, I may chuck them all out the window.
Thankfully I am happy more often than not and I stare in sheer wonder and love at each of my kids far more often than I’m yelling at them with the satan voice. This is more than just a journey to different countries. We will see many places in the world and hopefully we will create many great memories and teach the kids to appreciate different cultures, religions, and ways of life. This is also a journey for us as a family. We have lived very busy, heavily scheduled lives for many years. As I’ve said before, it felt like we were hamsters on a wheel running like mad but going nowhere. Now we are trying to figure out how to relate to each other when we have time available to really focus on each other and have actual quality time.
It turns out there are lots of things that I didn’t know about my kids before this trip. I was always busy, always in a rush, and while I obviously knew them, I did not get to know all the many little aspects to their personalities that make them so uniquely special.
Ronan is a complicated young man. So smart and very sensitive. He is very clever and has a very quick wit. He is at an in-between age (8 almost 9) where he no longer wants to do some of the things the twins do. No more playgrounds or stuffies (at least not in front of other kids 😊). He loves spending time with us, especially one-on-one time with Brett. He idolizes his dad. He’s getting more and more into basketball and video games. We can really see him growing in confidence over the last 6 months which I think is in large part due to all the time that Brett has had to spend with him since he stopped working in October. He is no longer so fearful and cautious of doing things he’s never tried before. Just yesterday I watched Ronan bodysurf and jump into some pretty wild waves with Brett. This is the same boy who used to (not so long ago) scream at the prospect of getting his head under water. It warms my soul to watch this transition. I may have been moving too quickly and been too busy to see the initial stages of this new-found maturity but I’m so happy to witness and encourage it now.
Iain is a sweet, sweet boy. He has a big heart and he has always been my snuggler. He loves to give and receive affection. He’s an amazing artist. Just tonight he decided to draw us both pictures of things he knew we love. He loves to learn, and he loves math (so near and dear to my heart). He has a watch that measures steps so he enjoys keeping track of our activity each day. His ‘Portland’ goal was 6000 steps per day. His ‘trip’ goal is 20,000 steps a day. He gets close a lot but I think he’s only hit it twice.
He’s technically only one minute older than Riley but having an older brother and a twin sister makes him very much like a middle child. It is only since being on this trip that I’ve realized how deep his middle-child syndrome runs. He will sulk for hours if he feels like he didn’t get recognition for something that he did or if he feels we didn’t go out of our way to get something that he likes. Both Brett and I have trouble dealing with him when he gets sulky but now understanding a bit more about why he feels/acts this way will hopefully help us improve the overall family dynamic so he doesn’t feel this way. Ronan gets a lot of attention because he is the oldest and gets to do things that Iain and Riley can’t yet. Riley gets attention because she is the only girl and has specific interests that we try to encourage and help her with since her brothers don’t share her any of her interests (ballet, princesses, dresses, anything pink, ….). Iain also needs more individual attention. This should be easy – he has so many unique interests from Ronan and Riley. He can spend hours drawing pictures and loves creating music with any instrument he has available. We’re starting to spend more time helping him with his art and finding ways to fit music into our travel more.
Now Riley, she has been the true surprise for me on this trip. I’m not sure if she’s changed since we’ve been travelling or if I’ve just had the time to get to know her better since we’ve been away. One thing that I absolutely love about this sweet girl is that she knows what she likes and she doesn’t adapt to other people’s ideas of what she should like. At first I found this frustrating but I’ve learned to love it, and truly respect tit. In addition to her dad and two brothers, she has the least girly mom possible but she’s been steadfast in her singular love of all things girly – dresses, dolls, nails, make-up, etc. That takes a strong personality to insist on these things despite not having anyone to share these interests with in our home (but I try).
Before this trip, she would always be the one instigating trouble. She’s always busy, never stops moving, always creating toys from other toys, creating dresses for dolls from paper, tape, balloons, elastic bands, whatever she can find. She is always trying to pull the boys into her games but they have no interest and give her very little time. She lashes out at them and the cycle of fighting and discipline starts. On this trip I’ve had the chance to spend much more time with her – the quiet time between fights with her brothers. She is so responsive to love and kindness and she gives it back ten-fold. We still have our moments with little Riley but we have had a chance to really see how sweet, thoughtful and kind she is when she gets time with us and feels more included. I look forward to finding opportunities on this trip take her on small little side trips or excursions that are just for her.
Interestingly Brett and I are having the opposite experience that we are having with our kids – this trip is leaving us less to spend together as a couple than we would normally have at home. The day is full on with the kids and then I generally work each evening until almost midnight. We have had no opportunity for babysitters so this is our reality for the moment. I still love every moment I have with him. Not only does he put up with all my neuroses and ever overactive mind, he tries to find ways to help me slow down and enjoy the moment more. He watches out for me and tries to help me when I’ve feeling overwhelmed with work or the kids. I love watching him teaching the kids life lessons, telling them stories, and generally being present for them. Today Ronan asked us to tell them a story in the car (after iPad batteries died) and Brett told them a spellbinding story for about half an hour. When they get scared, he talks them through their fears. When they don’t know how to do something, he patiently teaches them. I can’t imagine a better father and partner in life.
So, if for some reason this trip had to end now (which thankfully we still have months ahead of us), our family has already benefited so much from this experience. I really hope we take the positive aspects of this new slower pace back to our regular everyday life. What will that new ‘everyday life’ look like? That one will take more thought over the coming months.